Summer nights are beautiful but the days are hottt.
im ready for the axe-fest with my lovely pirate costume. im excited, i have party fever right now.
everything is going great i think, im catching up on reading, i have running a bar for dummies and start up your own bar and club. im excited to be reading these books. i love it. and i got a uk version of cosmo. which is always a plus.
last night i got blazed as fuck and faded with lindy and pata and brent. that was fun. and today wake and bake with lin and pata. hehe it was fun. then watched some tv then went home got ready and then lin and i went to temecula to target to get some alst things i needed for my outfit for pirates and barnes and nobles to get the magazine and the start up book. lin and i had some really gopod conversations, and whats soo great about hanging out with her is that it doesnt matter long we have known each other, we are still learning. shes one of my best friends and i can honestly say ive never had a friend like her. which is goood. since i go through friends like gum.. i chew the flavor out..same with guys, since they are all idiots here so i go through them quickly. uhhh
2mro my agenda is busy...wake up, lay around, take a shower, watch some tv, read, lay around, haha then proly have lindy stay the night and maybe nick to, so we can drink and listen to loveline. hahah..
this weekend im working then i have nothing to do untill the boys get back from up north. i need them to come back..
im soo bored without them.. i love my boys, they keep me alive.
im listening to bruce springstein. he is amazing...he makes my heart bounce.
i cant wait till my jon stewart shirt comes in the mail.
i want a guy thats like jon stewart... sexy and smart and who can talk with confidence. haha cuz jon stewart is seriously the dreamiest guy ever!! hahah hes mine and brandy has conan o'brien, hahaha amazing.
<3
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
when u do things right, people wont be sure youve done anything at all...
ewww i have a soar throat. meaning, im gonna get sicckkk. grrrrreat.
im getting ready to go to school for the grad ceremony practice.
yay!!!
after im gonna stop by schoffstalls class for him to sign my yearbook and say bye to him, then neilsens to see if i left my ipod in his class and say byee but im gonna see him in the summer.
then come home and take a long asss naappppp!!
i <3 naps.
im getting ready to go to school for the grad ceremony practice.
yay!!!
after im gonna stop by schoffstalls class for him to sign my yearbook and say bye to him, then neilsens to see if i left my ipod in his class and say byee but im gonna see him in the summer.
then come home and take a long asss naappppp!!
i <3 naps.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
my to do list before i die... its gonna be my check list that goes everywhere with me all my life.
im bored and thought "you know what, i should do a to do list before i die."
1) see snow when it falls from the sky
2) own a bar and hookah bar
3) Kiss in the rain
4) go to south america and take professional pictures
5) make the ultimate collage
6) live in italy for a few months
7) take a wine tasting trip when i turn 21
8) taste an amazing bottle of wine that makes u have tears of happiness that its orgasmic.
9) Be in a relationship after it's past the cute puppy love stage and tough out the hardships and complexeties of being in a romantic relationship
10) Feel good about my accomplishments when I speak of them to my high school classmates
11) be a good mother to 2 kids and be a wonderful wife
12) maybe work for the trump. hehe
13) graduate form college
14) speak 5 different languages
15)invent something. haha
16) achieve enlightenment
17) have a birthday for once in my life with the ppl i actually care about and just have a good night cuz everyone is out of town for my birthday....
18) make a difference in someones life
19) get lasic surgery for my eyes even though my eye doctor says i cant cuz my eyes are that screwed up.
20) no longer have anxiety attacks.
the list will grow but thats what i have soo far. hehe
1) see snow when it falls from the sky
2) own a bar and hookah bar
3) Kiss in the rain
4) go to south america and take professional pictures
5) make the ultimate collage
6) live in italy for a few months
7) take a wine tasting trip when i turn 21
8) taste an amazing bottle of wine that makes u have tears of happiness that its orgasmic.
9) Be in a relationship after it's past the cute puppy love stage and tough out the hardships and complexeties of being in a romantic relationship
10) Feel good about my accomplishments when I speak of them to my high school classmates
11) be a good mother to 2 kids and be a wonderful wife
12) maybe work for the trump. hehe
13) graduate form college
14) speak 5 different languages
15)invent something. haha
16) achieve enlightenment
17) have a birthday for once in my life with the ppl i actually care about and just have a good night cuz everyone is out of town for my birthday....
18) make a difference in someones life
19) get lasic surgery for my eyes even though my eye doctor says i cant cuz my eyes are that screwed up.
20) no longer have anxiety attacks.
the list will grow but thats what i have soo far. hehe
luck was on my side tonight. till i got home. heh heh.
today was fun then it ended in such a bust.
i went to casino night with annie, rachel, brittany, chris, alec, amy, brian, and ben.
i spent a toal of 24 dollars, and came back with 57$!!!! i was lucky, and i gave everybody else luck.
and i had the giggles soo bad that everytime i looked at ben id jsut bust out laughing. haha he kinda is cute. hahaahaha. wow. anyways, the sucky part was i wanted to go to ontario to see becca for one last time, but my mom didnt let me go cuz nice girls dont go out at midnight cuz its part of the house rules and that its impossible. i basically cried cuz im tired of that shit. id be driving with no traffic, wide awake cuz i hade like 2 energy drinks, and to a save place where my brother lives and where nick is responsible. i just dont get it sometimes. but i understand why, they only have me for a certain amount of time, and they just want these last moments with them and to keep me in their rules.
uhhhh so fustrating. i cried. cuz my dad just woke up and laughed at me.
sometimes i just wished that theyd just chillax for one fucking moment and just not worry.but they are my parents and i know i might thank them in the future, but i jsut need them to let me make my pwn mistakes. the sad thing was my mom tried to explain that there are ppl vandalizing the busses at school and proly bad ppl. the funny thing was that was kaili, alyssa, annie, nick, a whole bunch of ppl cuz it was the senior prank. and i told her that and she just keot on going about how that was horrible. funny thing, i was actually about to go with all them, but i was out doing somehting else. w/e.
2mro i will proly be really bored. and will most likly drive out to ontario for the day...uhhh.
whatever, i hate missing out on good times. i think thats why i dont want to go to mexico cuz i dont want to miss out on good times with my bestieess! but i guess i have to grow up and just toughen up and just go to mexico and have a good time there. but i dont want to grow up tooo fast, cuz ive already done that with just hanging out with axel and his friends. blahhh.
i hung out with chris today for a bit. we talked, he has a girlfriend now, which is great. hes calmed down a bit, and i think we can be friends again and go back to the way we use to be. where everything was fun and didn't care about anything and just laughed at everything. non of this ohh we fucked up our friendship for doing "stuff" and blahhh. and nick well he just is a no no. he keeps arguing with juliana and i dont want to be in the middle of that even though he tells me im not. and hes going back to the whole my friends are more important, like he ditched his friends for other friends, and i dont want to deal with that, especially when hes a wild child and im afraid im gonna be at the wrong time at the wrong place with him and get in trouble with the cops with him. soo thats a no no.
i guess its back to square 1.
theres one more person, but hes a defintly no no. cuz it would never happen. blehh.
im bored, is 1 in the morning and im not tired. gooshhhhh i want to be in ontario! whatever, i jsut hope becca has a safe trip to europe.
today made me happy when i had the giggles like crazy!! cuz everyone had a smile and i boosted all of their egos. haha sons of bitches and their egonesssss. hahah
im glad i can just laugh at everything and make ppl smile. the first thing i notice with ppl is their smile. u can tell soo much from a persons smile. its amazing.
<3
i went to casino night with annie, rachel, brittany, chris, alec, amy, brian, and ben.
i spent a toal of 24 dollars, and came back with 57$!!!! i was lucky, and i gave everybody else luck.
and i had the giggles soo bad that everytime i looked at ben id jsut bust out laughing. haha he kinda is cute. hahaahaha. wow. anyways, the sucky part was i wanted to go to ontario to see becca for one last time, but my mom didnt let me go cuz nice girls dont go out at midnight cuz its part of the house rules and that its impossible. i basically cried cuz im tired of that shit. id be driving with no traffic, wide awake cuz i hade like 2 energy drinks, and to a save place where my brother lives and where nick is responsible. i just dont get it sometimes. but i understand why, they only have me for a certain amount of time, and they just want these last moments with them and to keep me in their rules.
uhhhh so fustrating. i cried. cuz my dad just woke up and laughed at me.
sometimes i just wished that theyd just chillax for one fucking moment and just not worry.but they are my parents and i know i might thank them in the future, but i jsut need them to let me make my pwn mistakes. the sad thing was my mom tried to explain that there are ppl vandalizing the busses at school and proly bad ppl. the funny thing was that was kaili, alyssa, annie, nick, a whole bunch of ppl cuz it was the senior prank. and i told her that and she just keot on going about how that was horrible. funny thing, i was actually about to go with all them, but i was out doing somehting else. w/e.
2mro i will proly be really bored. and will most likly drive out to ontario for the day...uhhh.
whatever, i hate missing out on good times. i think thats why i dont want to go to mexico cuz i dont want to miss out on good times with my bestieess! but i guess i have to grow up and just toughen up and just go to mexico and have a good time there. but i dont want to grow up tooo fast, cuz ive already done that with just hanging out with axel and his friends. blahhh.
i hung out with chris today for a bit. we talked, he has a girlfriend now, which is great. hes calmed down a bit, and i think we can be friends again and go back to the way we use to be. where everything was fun and didn't care about anything and just laughed at everything. non of this ohh we fucked up our friendship for doing "stuff" and blahhh. and nick well he just is a no no. he keeps arguing with juliana and i dont want to be in the middle of that even though he tells me im not. and hes going back to the whole my friends are more important, like he ditched his friends for other friends, and i dont want to deal with that, especially when hes a wild child and im afraid im gonna be at the wrong time at the wrong place with him and get in trouble with the cops with him. soo thats a no no.
i guess its back to square 1.
theres one more person, but hes a defintly no no. cuz it would never happen. blehh.
im bored, is 1 in the morning and im not tired. gooshhhhh i want to be in ontario! whatever, i jsut hope becca has a safe trip to europe.
today made me happy when i had the giggles like crazy!! cuz everyone had a smile and i boosted all of their egos. haha sons of bitches and their egonesssss. hahah
im glad i can just laugh at everything and make ppl smile. the first thing i notice with ppl is their smile. u can tell soo much from a persons smile. its amazing.
<3
Monday, June 11, 2007
the summer wind, came blowing from across the sea....
i think its hard having your parents basically argue and just lose all the hope they had in each other to some pretty stupid things.
its also hard talking to my dad and hearing specific words come out,
"long term, your mother and i wont be together."
uhhh why does this have to happen.... i just need to be strong and just be mature about it and deal with it, and not be like a little kid going was it me? why is daddy leaving?
my dad told me he doesn't want to do anything right now cuz he doesn't want to leave my mom with debt and shit. hes basically trying to make sure everything is paid off and i settle down fine.
Im going to Mexico officially in September, but im trying to make it beginning of October so i don't miss Lindy's b-day.
it's just from sept. to December. its not that bad. and i'll be in the carribean, and working at a bar.
rachel said shed visit me and brandy is upset, she started to cry. its soo sad.
the postive things about me going, is id get a laptop! and the black berry pearl, and id get drunk everynight. soo yeah. and i can go to internet cafes to go on the internet. which is awesome.
i think it will be fun. and i might go to school there. im not sure, but id go for jsut that semister.
i only wanna take like 2 classes and thatd be business and spanish.
i dunno. it will look cool on resumes. which is good. soo im trying to be positive about this.
i think it sux to be me right now... but i just gotta keep my head up high and just focus on this week. my graduation, my friends, brandys graduation, fathers day. i just want this week to goo better.
and tonight is casino night with rachel and the gang, soo i gotta get my game on and win those slot machines..who knows, maybe ill be lucky and win some mullaaa!
if i start winning a few buck i say fold. i dont want to lose everything. gotta be smart about tricky those bastard slots. oooo i will get to play black jack. im the person where if i go over and its like 24 i say hit me.."i dont care hit me!" hahaha.
be positive nina.. be positive...
haha maybe i should try to pracitce the secret where i visualize it and it will come true. hahaha
nooootttt!
ay yi yi...
<3
its also hard talking to my dad and hearing specific words come out,
"long term, your mother and i wont be together."
uhhh why does this have to happen.... i just need to be strong and just be mature about it and deal with it, and not be like a little kid going was it me? why is daddy leaving?
my dad told me he doesn't want to do anything right now cuz he doesn't want to leave my mom with debt and shit. hes basically trying to make sure everything is paid off and i settle down fine.
Im going to Mexico officially in September, but im trying to make it beginning of October so i don't miss Lindy's b-day.
it's just from sept. to December. its not that bad. and i'll be in the carribean, and working at a bar.
rachel said shed visit me and brandy is upset, she started to cry. its soo sad.
the postive things about me going, is id get a laptop! and the black berry pearl, and id get drunk everynight. soo yeah. and i can go to internet cafes to go on the internet. which is awesome.
i think it will be fun. and i might go to school there. im not sure, but id go for jsut that semister.
i only wanna take like 2 classes and thatd be business and spanish.
i dunno. it will look cool on resumes. which is good. soo im trying to be positive about this.
i think it sux to be me right now... but i just gotta keep my head up high and just focus on this week. my graduation, my friends, brandys graduation, fathers day. i just want this week to goo better.
and tonight is casino night with rachel and the gang, soo i gotta get my game on and win those slot machines..who knows, maybe ill be lucky and win some mullaaa!
if i start winning a few buck i say fold. i dont want to lose everything. gotta be smart about tricky those bastard slots. oooo i will get to play black jack. im the person where if i go over and its like 24 i say hit me.."i dont care hit me!" hahaha.
be positive nina.. be positive...
haha maybe i should try to pracitce the secret where i visualize it and it will come true. hahaha
nooootttt!
ay yi yi...
<3
Saturday, June 9, 2007
nobody should be scared of death, but they should be scared of what happens after you die.
so my grandpa is dying, and after graduation im proly going to mexico city with my parents to see him.
its soo sad. even thought he was kinda a jerk with my mom in her life, he was just trying to protect her. and he loved my dad. and he was a great grandpa......
hes going senial. he turns off the light and starts screaming turn off the light!!! hahaha then they were telling him he had to eat bananas, so he took out his denters and started feeding his teeth the bananas. hahahah
hes funny when hes crazy and about to die.
this sux.
im really sad watching my parents getting all upset about it.
uhhhhh.
but going to mexico city will be good. I havent been there since 6th grade. and i have sooooo many childhood memories there, since i practically lived there when i was little girl.
this is all crazzy.
<3
its soo sad. even thought he was kinda a jerk with my mom in her life, he was just trying to protect her. and he loved my dad. and he was a great grandpa......
hes going senial. he turns off the light and starts screaming turn off the light!!! hahaha then they were telling him he had to eat bananas, so he took out his denters and started feeding his teeth the bananas. hahahah
hes funny when hes crazy and about to die.
this sux.
im really sad watching my parents getting all upset about it.
uhhhhh.
but going to mexico city will be good. I havent been there since 6th grade. and i have sooooo many childhood memories there, since i practically lived there when i was little girl.
this is all crazzy.
<3
ive got news for you...aka myslef! haha
I'm officially done with high school. Thursday is my ceremony. This is the moment in my life ive been waiting for. No more coke heads, no more drama form girls that their lives revlove around making everyhting soo exaggerated. im soo happy, there are a lot i will proly miss but this is the point in time where your gonna be released in the wild and meet new friends and live in a totally completly different world from high school. im sooo happy!!!!
today i went to nicks graduation, im so proud of him for graduating college, i just hope when i go to college i can graduate with good grades and just make it to that level like him.
this has been a good weekend i would have to say. The only thing im kinda sad about is not having a phone (lol) but at the same time ive been actually happy without it cuz i dont have to deal with chris and nick calling me. its soo sad that both are just wasting their lives on doing nothing. chris has made me cry serveral times and i just cant even think about going back to him. ewww. and nick, hes such a good person but hes just consumed by all this pressure to look like the cool guy and just get in trouble with the cops and do drugs. And im dispointed in my self for smoking out with him a few days ago and
'other things". i dont know why i even do things with him. I dont even know why he bothers with me, im not even that pretty. Weve been friends forever and both of us together we just crack up, but i guess personallity really comes over looks. but i dont even think i can handle him anymore or him handling me.
i just want to find someone that can handle me always getting anxiety and just knows how to take care of him, and can take all the laughter i have. haha i laugh at everything. and i know id be a girlfriend. i hate drama soo id limit that unless there are issues that are important. and i listen to ppl and i have this thing where i totally know their pain. i feel it, and i know how to tell them to calm down and i dunno ppl say i have this gift of making ppl feel better. i guess i should be a psych major. haha.
i guess im worried that im gonna end up like my parents. its kinda a curse ive found out. My moms grandma married an italian and they lived happily but when u get to the 40's its like oh, i dont love u anymore, and i guess he was kinda like a bussiness man well he was but everything he was thinking was soo techinical and rational and had a type of attitude like ur here and im up here, and was kinda controlling with his kids, which was my grandma. and my great granda nina was kind of an artsy person, which was like my grandma. my yaya was arsty and was a soprano. she was a beautiful singer who would kill at the opera shows. to know im just like her makes me happy. But she married mmy grandpa Raul, which was a business man working for the mexican oil company and lawyers, and was really verbal abusive with my mom and my uncle. But my yaya is still with my grandpa but only cuz of my mom. My grandma cant stand my grandpa. But my grandpa was very controlling with my mom, and my grandma would let her do things while my grandpa would be at work. then my mom married my dad, they love eachother but now its like on the rocks, i really cant stand the arguing and my dad telling my mom ur here and im up here. My dad is identical to my grandpa, and my great grandpa. my mom is an artsy woman, and every generation its the same, they end up in a mess, and i live the same exact life as my mom, which is scary. My mom was sooo close to her older brother just like axel and i. and ur dads were the same controlling and finisimo type of guys which i hate. My dad has lost it. i dont think i can even think of him as the same dad.
i guess im worrying that this curse is a artsy/imaginative girl is gonna end up with a guy that is very businessy which is fine , but im worried that hes gonna fake it the whole time and tell me that im here and hes up there living his own life. i guess im the one who decides who i marry and stuff but im jsut worried cuz axel and i are living the same exact life as my mom and brother before my uncle died. and thats another thing, cancer runs in my moms family like no other. and my uncle died of lukemia which my mom i dont think has grieved over him properly still, cuz he was the best uncle ever and the best brother to my mom just like axel, but cancer just took over him when i was 5. and it sucks cuz i remember shit when i was 2, and just to think about it makes me sad, but it makes me even more sad, thinking axel and i could have cancer... i dunno. i think way too much which is bad. i guess if we live the same exact lives as my mom and her brother, i hope axel doesnt get cancer or me. not untill im like 70 then thatd be good.
wo0o0o0o0o too much family issues i guess. ive never really been through all this kinda of stuff like parents getting close to divorce or just family issues like my dad trying to make me live a life that is not what i want. and right now im feeling anxiety just thinking about this, and my medicine is out, and i cant get a refill till monday. sooo i dunno. and right now im home alone. soo if i pass out, woops. well not like anybody reads this cuz this is basically kinda like a diary where im allowed to think and just release my emotions. id go to my brother or nick or somehting but its jsut way too much and i dont want them to think of me as this stupid girl with too many problems adn just get tired of it. thats why i bottle everything up. i guess im good at it, thats why if i say i had anxiety to friends or soemthing they think im just like whatever no biggie, but its mostly cuz i make seem like a no big deal cuz i hate be all serious and dramatic, but really i am deep inside. haha wow im crying. aha im listening to the flame by cheap trick. can we say emo? but i love this song. wow this is long, but whatever, again not like anybody reads this.
so i wish i can be a cat, just watching cappuccion outside just lay around and can sleep anywhere he wants sounds soo relaxing. Hes soo cute!
5 more days till i graduate!
<3
today i went to nicks graduation, im so proud of him for graduating college, i just hope when i go to college i can graduate with good grades and just make it to that level like him.
this has been a good weekend i would have to say. The only thing im kinda sad about is not having a phone (lol) but at the same time ive been actually happy without it cuz i dont have to deal with chris and nick calling me. its soo sad that both are just wasting their lives on doing nothing. chris has made me cry serveral times and i just cant even think about going back to him. ewww. and nick, hes such a good person but hes just consumed by all this pressure to look like the cool guy and just get in trouble with the cops and do drugs. And im dispointed in my self for smoking out with him a few days ago and
'other things". i dont know why i even do things with him. I dont even know why he bothers with me, im not even that pretty. Weve been friends forever and both of us together we just crack up, but i guess personallity really comes over looks. but i dont even think i can handle him anymore or him handling me.
i just want to find someone that can handle me always getting anxiety and just knows how to take care of him, and can take all the laughter i have. haha i laugh at everything. and i know id be a girlfriend. i hate drama soo id limit that unless there are issues that are important. and i listen to ppl and i have this thing where i totally know their pain. i feel it, and i know how to tell them to calm down and i dunno ppl say i have this gift of making ppl feel better. i guess i should be a psych major. haha.
i guess im worried that im gonna end up like my parents. its kinda a curse ive found out. My moms grandma married an italian and they lived happily but when u get to the 40's its like oh, i dont love u anymore, and i guess he was kinda like a bussiness man well he was but everything he was thinking was soo techinical and rational and had a type of attitude like ur here and im up here, and was kinda controlling with his kids, which was my grandma. and my great granda nina was kind of an artsy person, which was like my grandma. my yaya was arsty and was a soprano. she was a beautiful singer who would kill at the opera shows. to know im just like her makes me happy. But she married mmy grandpa Raul, which was a business man working for the mexican oil company and lawyers, and was really verbal abusive with my mom and my uncle. But my yaya is still with my grandpa but only cuz of my mom. My grandma cant stand my grandpa. But my grandpa was very controlling with my mom, and my grandma would let her do things while my grandpa would be at work. then my mom married my dad, they love eachother but now its like on the rocks, i really cant stand the arguing and my dad telling my mom ur here and im up here. My dad is identical to my grandpa, and my great grandpa. my mom is an artsy woman, and every generation its the same, they end up in a mess, and i live the same exact life as my mom, which is scary. My mom was sooo close to her older brother just like axel and i. and ur dads were the same controlling and finisimo type of guys which i hate. My dad has lost it. i dont think i can even think of him as the same dad.
i guess im worrying that this curse is a artsy/imaginative girl is gonna end up with a guy that is very businessy which is fine , but im worried that hes gonna fake it the whole time and tell me that im here and hes up there living his own life. i guess im the one who decides who i marry and stuff but im jsut worried cuz axel and i are living the same exact life as my mom and brother before my uncle died. and thats another thing, cancer runs in my moms family like no other. and my uncle died of lukemia which my mom i dont think has grieved over him properly still, cuz he was the best uncle ever and the best brother to my mom just like axel, but cancer just took over him when i was 5. and it sucks cuz i remember shit when i was 2, and just to think about it makes me sad, but it makes me even more sad, thinking axel and i could have cancer... i dunno. i think way too much which is bad. i guess if we live the same exact lives as my mom and her brother, i hope axel doesnt get cancer or me. not untill im like 70 then thatd be good.
wo0o0o0o0o too much family issues i guess. ive never really been through all this kinda of stuff like parents getting close to divorce or just family issues like my dad trying to make me live a life that is not what i want. and right now im feeling anxiety just thinking about this, and my medicine is out, and i cant get a refill till monday. sooo i dunno. and right now im home alone. soo if i pass out, woops. well not like anybody reads this cuz this is basically kinda like a diary where im allowed to think and just release my emotions. id go to my brother or nick or somehting but its jsut way too much and i dont want them to think of me as this stupid girl with too many problems adn just get tired of it. thats why i bottle everything up. i guess im good at it, thats why if i say i had anxiety to friends or soemthing they think im just like whatever no biggie, but its mostly cuz i make seem like a no big deal cuz i hate be all serious and dramatic, but really i am deep inside. haha wow im crying. aha im listening to the flame by cheap trick. can we say emo? but i love this song. wow this is long, but whatever, again not like anybody reads this.
so i wish i can be a cat, just watching cappuccion outside just lay around and can sleep anywhere he wants sounds soo relaxing. Hes soo cute!
5 more days till i graduate!
<3
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
consumed by bordem. eeeeee!
Im procrastinating, i should be studying for my last finals for 2mro and copying some packets for econ. 2mro im basicaly going to be done. 2mro after school i jsut need to finish my english which will take me like proly 15 minuites. awesome. 2mro i just need to make sure everything is going well and then start the process of checking out. which check out is on friday. im getting nervous every second about graduation. eeek! almost done... just a few more days of waking up early... eeee!!!
ew i need to clean my room. hehe.
today i blazed for the first time in 2 months!! gah... nick convinced me since thats not good. Yesterday i took him home and had a good talk with him. it was really intense. then today i went over to pick up stuff i forgot at his house and he convinced me to blaze a bit... uhhhh... i only had one bowl and it was soo dank i was blazed for like 4 hours!!! sooo incredibly badddd. haha.. hes such a sweetie but oh man, hes tricky.
this weekend should be ok. go up to ontario for one night then saturday maybe hookah with matheny and blackie. maybe... yikesss. i dunno! but monday is casino night so im waiting for that.
Im listning to 1950's cuban music. its orgasmic. i honestly think i was born in the wrong time period. i would love to be in the 1950's cuba or brazil or argentina! just to move to the beat of the latin fever. its the best music ever. also good music is the rat pack era. i would of loved to be around that time. just going along the drum beats and cool jazzy tones that make u swing side to side moving ur hips with joy and snapping ur fingers to the soft melodies of happyness. they were soo romantic. just listnening to michael buble makes me smile sooo big!!
i want posters of the following:
1) daniel craig
2) sean connery
3) Timothy Dalton
all have a charm that just makes u melt... eee! and they are bonds..which is some extra cool points. sexxxyyyy!
i need a manly man. hahahah
maroon 5's music is making me emo and making me want to cry..uhhh need to listen to somehting that will be uplifting and happy... nina stop being a wussie!!
i just need to keep telling myself that. but im good! im happy! and if im not ppl dont know that cuz i bottle everything. and soo much is happening in my life where ppl would be amazed of how much i bottle up.. sheeesh...
im strong though i just dont have anybody to go to and just let loose in the tears. like i do but i have gona to them in the past where i dont want to look like a drama queen sooo!! i make myself think about good things. which i think works ok... but i feel shaky and i had a long stressful week so far that my meds arent working that great... uhhhhh... i hate anxiety.. and when i think about anxiety it makes me have it more... uhhhh stop!! this is all mad. i just need to be upbeat...
i still need to do homework and study!!! uhh this is fustrating!!! and its 9 oclock!! this is bull!! ok focus focus! ouch my neck hurts i pulled it soo bad a month ago that its been hurting since then and nothing seems to be helping. no advil not even ice!! it hurts soo bad... i think its time i see a doctor about it...
wow this is all comming from not wanting to do my homework.. yikes. haha. i guess ill continue this 2mro. or whenever i feel like it.
<3
ew i need to clean my room. hehe.
today i blazed for the first time in 2 months!! gah... nick convinced me since thats not good. Yesterday i took him home and had a good talk with him. it was really intense. then today i went over to pick up stuff i forgot at his house and he convinced me to blaze a bit... uhhhh... i only had one bowl and it was soo dank i was blazed for like 4 hours!!! sooo incredibly badddd. haha.. hes such a sweetie but oh man, hes tricky.
this weekend should be ok. go up to ontario for one night then saturday maybe hookah with matheny and blackie. maybe... yikesss. i dunno! but monday is casino night so im waiting for that.
Im listning to 1950's cuban music. its orgasmic. i honestly think i was born in the wrong time period. i would love to be in the 1950's cuba or brazil or argentina! just to move to the beat of the latin fever. its the best music ever. also good music is the rat pack era. i would of loved to be around that time. just going along the drum beats and cool jazzy tones that make u swing side to side moving ur hips with joy and snapping ur fingers to the soft melodies of happyness. they were soo romantic. just listnening to michael buble makes me smile sooo big!!
i want posters of the following:
1) daniel craig
2) sean connery
3) Timothy Dalton
all have a charm that just makes u melt... eee! and they are bonds..which is some extra cool points. sexxxyyyy!
i need a manly man. hahahah
maroon 5's music is making me emo and making me want to cry..uhhh need to listen to somehting that will be uplifting and happy... nina stop being a wussie!!
i just need to keep telling myself that. but im good! im happy! and if im not ppl dont know that cuz i bottle everything. and soo much is happening in my life where ppl would be amazed of how much i bottle up.. sheeesh...
im strong though i just dont have anybody to go to and just let loose in the tears. like i do but i have gona to them in the past where i dont want to look like a drama queen sooo!! i make myself think about good things. which i think works ok... but i feel shaky and i had a long stressful week so far that my meds arent working that great... uhhhhh... i hate anxiety.. and when i think about anxiety it makes me have it more... uhhhh stop!! this is all mad. i just need to be upbeat...
i still need to do homework and study!!! uhh this is fustrating!!! and its 9 oclock!! this is bull!! ok focus focus! ouch my neck hurts i pulled it soo bad a month ago that its been hurting since then and nothing seems to be helping. no advil not even ice!! it hurts soo bad... i think its time i see a doctor about it...
wow this is all comming from not wanting to do my homework.. yikes. haha. i guess ill continue this 2mro. or whenever i feel like it.
<3
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
pre released in the wild.
After more than 13 years of going to school everyday, it is 9 days before my graduatuion. The end, c'est fin, no more. Scary no? This week has to be the most depressing week ive ever gone through. everyone is saying their goodbyes early and tears among every group of best friends, and i literally dont have that many good friends anymore... i dont have that many ppl to say goodbye to. i have tons of friends but no one really worth saying goodbye.. and my close friends which are a total of 4, i know i will see after gradutation.
Its weird not going to see ppl i have grown up with and been in the same classes all these years. I wonder if anybody i know will be famous or just be successful in the future, even die sooner than later. i wonder where i will be in 5 years. Since my dad wants to send me to mexico for a few months maybe i will love it there and never come back to the states. maybe i'll find some guy in mexico that will treat me right unlike some here in the fbk that sometimes i regret being with even though i do no like to regret. Or maybe i will be with the one person that makes me soo happy but i know i could never be with... maybe i'll see old friends and rekindle those old burnt out friendships. the world is a mystery and i wish sometimes there can be some signs that lead every burning questions with an answer. will i be ok in 5 years? will i be surrounded by ppl i love? is my moms health going to improve?
i hope this summer will be a summer i will never forget. the first summer where i will have no! summer school! heh heh. there are soo many things i want to do and need to do.
1) take a road trip up norht with brandy cuz we wanna see SF and monteray to see the otters.
2)get a job
3)go to comic con
4)throw my brother a great party
4)meet someone exotic
5)have a deep and meaningful conversation with a good friend about life.
i have this sudden urge to go to the harbor and take pictures, but i have no camera... :-(
i just want to go to the harbor and jsut sit and watch the waves just clash together in rythem.
i saw the cutest baby in starbucks today, omg i have baby fever. hahaha jp, but i think babies are the cutest thing. hahahah (start the car) hahah
hmmm. i think i will listen to some musica and prepare my paperwork for senior check out and get some make up homework done so i do for sureee graduate!!
<3
Its weird not going to see ppl i have grown up with and been in the same classes all these years. I wonder if anybody i know will be famous or just be successful in the future, even die sooner than later. i wonder where i will be in 5 years. Since my dad wants to send me to mexico for a few months maybe i will love it there and never come back to the states. maybe i'll find some guy in mexico that will treat me right unlike some here in the fbk that sometimes i regret being with even though i do no like to regret. Or maybe i will be with the one person that makes me soo happy but i know i could never be with... maybe i'll see old friends and rekindle those old burnt out friendships. the world is a mystery and i wish sometimes there can be some signs that lead every burning questions with an answer. will i be ok in 5 years? will i be surrounded by ppl i love? is my moms health going to improve?
i hope this summer will be a summer i will never forget. the first summer where i will have no! summer school! heh heh. there are soo many things i want to do and need to do.
1) take a road trip up norht with brandy cuz we wanna see SF and monteray to see the otters.
2)get a job
3)go to comic con
4)throw my brother a great party
4)meet someone exotic
5)have a deep and meaningful conversation with a good friend about life.
i have this sudden urge to go to the harbor and take pictures, but i have no camera... :-(
i just want to go to the harbor and jsut sit and watch the waves just clash together in rythem.
i saw the cutest baby in starbucks today, omg i have baby fever. hahaha jp, but i think babies are the cutest thing. hahahah (start the car) hahah
hmmm. i think i will listen to some musica and prepare my paperwork for senior check out and get some make up homework done so i do for sureee graduate!!
<3
Monday, June 4, 2007
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