About Me

California, United States
I have a big heart that allows me to care and listen. I am soo unique and have a big imagination that i use those characteristics to help me explore the depths of life. I just want to live life to the fullest and discover who i am piece by piece.

<3

<3
Ladies and gent, i present, Me.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

"The boy you never wanted just steals your heart
I never saw it comin', til' I fell so hard"

Thursday, July 5, 2007

fireworks are pretty.

is it bad that i want to go to mexico now?
reasons why u ask?
-get away from my family cuz they are driving me crazy
-gain experience from the real world
-travel somewhere exotic like i always wanted to do
-get away from the chaotic feelings i get when im around a certain someone
-find who i am.

today i realized that my brother is never going to change. i love him but hes to agressive and he always has to be right. My mom has the worst case of add and she tends to talk about things that never happend. My dad is the typical business man and such a hardass where he treats us all like employees, and i swear is a robot cuz sometimes he doesnt feel anything. and sometimes i get the feeling hes in the dominican mafia. Me? i laugh at everything where i think i have hysteria, im not that pretty, i sit around being emo about how crazy my family is and this crush i have on a person is kinda killing me. im losing friends, and i dont know who i am anymore, yet i feel that im the only "sane" person in my family. im starting to slip away from being capable from handlings situations and problems, where i start to break down now. What do i do?what do i do?.............................. i wish i had a friend that i can talk to all the time and just have someone there for me.... Lindy is always busy and she has enough problems as it is, Brandy has bigger issues to deal with, and shes way to emo to talk to sometimes, axel, no way in hell, nick, hes heard enough and i dont want to go to him anymore, i just feel bad. Kerry is use to be there for me 24/7, he use to be there when i was in need, he was seriously the best friend ive ever had, i miss him soo much. but hes moved on and i moved on. i cant think in the past i need to move foward. i found my box with all the letters him and i use to write to each other. i just want to burn them. along with chrissie and i pics and one card she sent me, shes a jewish bastard bitch.... im tired of ppl being bitches. i need new friends. i need a life and a job.

im in love with this song. it made me cry.

straylightrun-The words we say

We'll wait in line
For most our lives
Get out get in
Get on with it
We always hurt the ones we never really loved
We always think we're all alone we're always
Broke
We're always broke

The words we say take different shapes

We'll live and die with all the things we recognize
We'll count our sins
Stop now begin
We know the words are better left unspoken
When they'll be right in
To tear the heads off of us
Oh oh uh
Tear the heads off of us
Oh oh

The words we say
Take different shapes
And you can only do so much
To try to get your point across
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh [continues through fades till end]

I'll live and die with all the things i recognize
I'll count my sins
Stop now begin

Sunday, July 1, 2007

cool off.

"Stress is basically a disconnection from the earth, a forgetting of the breath. Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important. Just lie down."natalie Goldberg.

Last night was fun. axels b-day party. it was awesome, i got super drunk and had a good time. but the night ended with me balling like a baby as usual. i need to stop being so emo about shit. Its just when nick said he was done with the parties and just done with roomates and stuff. i understood completly, but it means that everything will start to go away. this is the moment i always kept in the back of my head because i knew from the start that one day it would change. Ive been hanging around the ontario house for a long ass time and everytime i went id have a blast and just didnt want to think that it would end. i hang around older ppl and ive matured and grew up a little bit that i forget that because they are older, they will say "hey im done" before i will.

im jsut worried my brother will have no clue wat to do. but i know nick isnt going to do any of that stuff till a while.. like he said he needs to be situated with financial stuff... but again i just worry for my brother.

im already putting crap in bags to get rid of so when i leave to mexico i dont have crap jsut laying around for months... im scared, but i think i can do fine. im just thinking way to much about it. so0o! i just want to think about my summer. think about what i want to do before i leave.

my list of things before i move to mexico.

go to a concert
see a baseball game. hopefully a padres game.
get my spanish back.
go to a galaxy game
have a summer romance
go to an art museem
vegas
get a job
have money
have a wild and crazy night where the next day i totally go wtf! that was intense.
do something no one ever expect me to do.
have a goodbye party
have an intense conversation that blows my mind.
get a camera, laptop,and new cell phone.
say how i feel to a specific person. and hopefully not get anxiety while i tell that person. heh.

Mexico probably cant handle me. hahah

i need a good laugh..............hahaha just typing that made me laugh. haha.. so im starting to like life a little more... just cuz its crazy and fucked up like me. haha.

doing the matt face...fuuuuuuucccccckk. hahaha

Spice girls doing a reunion... im soo excited i almost peed myself. last time i saw them perform. it was the summer before third grade... it was amazing. and right now im listeing to michelle branch. its music that soothes my soul.

im gonna be lame and have a movie moment, where i got outside listen to music and look at the stars and just hope a certain person calls or ims me. im such a loser. haha.

it'll never happen.