cool off.

"Stress is basically a disconnection from the earth, a forgetting of the breath. Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important. Just lie down."natalie Goldberg.

Last night was fun. axels b-day party. it was awesome, i got super drunk and had a good time. but the night ended with me balling like a baby as usual. i need to stop being so emo about shit. Its just when nick said he was done with the parties and just done with roomates and stuff. i understood completly, but it means that everything will start to go away. this is the moment i always kept in the back of my head because i knew from the start that one day it would change. Ive been hanging around the ontario house for a long ass time and everytime i went id have a blast and just didnt want to think that it would end. i hang around older ppl and ive matured and grew up a little bit that i forget that because they are older, they will say "hey im done" before i will.

im jsut worried my brother will have no clue wat to do. but i know nick isnt going to do any of that stuff till a while.. like he said he needs to be situated with financial stuff... but again i just worry for my brother.

im already putting crap in bags to get rid of so when i leave to mexico i dont have crap jsut laying around for months... im scared, but i think i can do fine. im just thinking way to much about it. so0o! i just want to think about my summer. think about what i want to do before i leave.

my list of things before i move to mexico.

go to a concert
see a baseball game. hopefully a padres game.
get my spanish back.
go to a galaxy game
have a summer romance
go to an art museem
vegas
get a job
have money
have a wild and crazy night where the next day i totally go wtf! that was intense.
do something no one ever expect me to do.
have a goodbye party
have an intense conversation that blows my mind.
get a camera, laptop,and new cell phone.
say how i feel to a specific person. and hopefully not get anxiety while i tell that person. heh.

Mexico probably cant handle me. hahah

i need a good laugh..............hahaha just typing that made me laugh. haha.. so im starting to like life a little more... just cuz its crazy and fucked up like me. haha.

doing the matt face...fuuuuuuucccccckk. hahaha

Spice girls doing a reunion... im soo excited i almost peed myself. last time i saw them perform. it was the summer before third grade... it was amazing. and right now im listeing to michelle branch. its music that soothes my soul.

im gonna be lame and have a movie moment, where i got outside listen to music and look at the stars and just hope a certain person calls or ims me. im such a loser. haha.

it'll never happen.